Dating Consultation
Madam of the Mind™
Dating Consultation, Simulated Dating, and Dating Psycho-Dynamics
Dating is a process that everyone can relate to as most of us go through the process at least once in our lives. Dating for most, is a normal life stage, a self discovery stage, to gain various social goals such as love and marriage, children, intimacy, and even friendship. These are important steps….and important goals. This is why dating consultation is important. Dating therapy is a way for individuals to harness the skills, insight and inner confidence needed to approach relationship goals and engage them with confidence. It is a way for individuals to build their inner “Wing Man” or “Wing Woman”.
Many dating experts try to explain why certain desirable people are still single by implicating dating rituals that are either too modern or too traditional. In truth, both traditional and modern dating rituals work-or a combination of both. Ultimately, it’s up to the individual to make a good first impression and maintain a good impression, however, it is the couple themselves that together ignite chemistry and define the dating rituals that work or do not work. These often stick into the future if the two of you make it there.
Dr. Dahlia has been doing simulated dating exercises and dating work since 2004. She was the first to coin the term “simulated dating” within clinical psychology, and implement it in connection with professional psychological services. She applied notable psychological techniques to simulated dating concepts and applied a combination of these techniques to working specifically with dating and relationships. From this, she created “Dating Therapy” or “Simulated Dating Therapy”. Simulated Dating Therapy provides a platform to learn and practice dating skills in the same real world settings, such as bars or restaurants, where people would date, or look to find a desirable stranger to date. In simulated dating therapy, Dr. Dahlia acts as the observing “stranger” or the practice date. As the observing stranger, she watches and evaluates from afar while you are on a date, or as you attempt to approach and meet potential matches to date. Being a practice date, allows Dr. Dahlia to be both the direct observer and participant in practice dating. Without a third party, she can offer immediate feedback if desired, or she can withhold it until the next session. The comfort of the pre-existing doctor/patient relationship provides a sense of assurance in a time-limited setting.
“I created Simulated Dating therapy based on an increasing need in my practice to take relationship talk therapy to the next level. I was seeing quite a few patients who were looking for love and companionship but were too afraid to date, or those who had been out of the dating game for a while and wanted to get back in. I tend to teach men to be what I call ‘modernly chivalrous’ and women to be modernly receptive to this chivalry.”
“The proliferation of internet dating and the use of the internet for many tasks in general has supplanted the need and frequency of face to face contact and interpersonal tasks. This is causing a delay in learning and increased anxiety about personal contact. Simulated Dating Therapy allows you to catch up very quickly. It has helped inexperienced daters who are learning things for the first time, as well as those who are older and newly single, and need to be taught modern aspects of surviving in the dating world today. This therapy helps to reduce anxiety, and increase confidence associated with dating, gain insight into emotional patterns, learn or refine dating techniques and overall interpersonal skill building.
This therapy applies the concepts of systematic desensitization and exposure therapy to dating. It incorporates cognitive behavioral therapy, social skills training, coaching and brief psychodynamic psychotherapy.
Systematic Desensitization:
This is a cognitive behavioral procedure that is used for anxiety. It combines learned relaxation techniques with gradual exposure to a hierarchy of anxiety of anxiety provoking thoughts and situations. It helps patients overcome their avoidance patterns by gradually and increasingly exposing them to the feared object imaginally or in its realistic environment until it can be tolerated. With reduced anxiety, and increased comfort and relaxation, they learn to imagine with confidence, better behaviors and a better outcome.
Exposure Therapy:
By exposing the patient to real life social situations that cause distress, the patient learns that their anxiety and fears are irrational or exaggerated. They learn to expect better outcomes and experience less distress until eventually their anxiety decreases and they can perform with increased ease. This therapy helps to reduce anxiety, increase confidence associated with dating, gain insight into emotional patterns and refine dating techniques and overall skill building.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:
This is a form of psychotherapy where we learn to think differently and act on that thinking. It emphasizes the interconnectedness of our thoughts, feelings, and our actions, and specifically the important role of thinking in causing how we feel and what we do. Cognitive therapy examines how our negative thoughts or “cognitions” contribute to our problems. It looks at our interpretation or perception of our problem in determining how we feel, rather than external events or the situation we are in. Cognitive therapy helps to identify and challenge our negative and dark thinking to prevent destructive actions based on those thoughts. It helps to replace dysfunctional thinking with more positive and realistic ways of thinking which allows for healthier behaviors and feelings, which in turn will cause people to respond better to you.
Social Skills Counseling:
Social Skills training is a form of behavior therapy that teaches constructive social skills. It will teach you the correct and relevant social behaviors, both verbal and non- verbal, that will improve your dating skills and overall socialization. We learn how to do these social behaviors by practicing specific and selected behaviors one at a time, and then role playing specific situations that combine a group of selected behaviors. This advice and awareness will help you to confidently do the right thing to attract your dating partner and keep them attracted to you. This will help you to advance your dating relationships and other relationships to the next level.
Some elements discussed include:
- Self Image and Esthetics
- Verbal and Non Verbal Communication
- Approach strategies
- When to call & what to say
- Do’s and Don’ts of first dates
- Dining Etiquette
- Flirting
- Intimacy, Foreplay and Sex
- Giving and Receiving Compliments
- Commitment, Make-ups & Breakups
- Best Places to meet dates
- Best places to take dates
- Strategies for Internet Dating
- Profile writing for Internet Dating sites & physical Dating Services
Dating Dynamics:
This technique links early family and peer experiences to current thoughts and behaviors-both functional and dysfunctional, conscious and unconscious. By understanding your past and its influence on the present, you can see your behaviors from a different perspective and gain mastery over them, as opposed to being controlled by them. It will help you to understand how dysfunctional lessons learned early in life influence unwanted dating behaviors, dating anxiety, commitment, and level of satisfaction.
We often tend to choose the wrong partner. Psychodynamic psychotherapy will teach you why you have chosen the partner you have, and how to select healthier partners. This awareness will help you to understand dynamics in other areas of your life such as making friends and professional alliances It will be interesting to observe the similarities or differences between your dating dynamics and interpersonal dynamics in other areas of your life.
Some of Dr. Dahlia’s techniques have been based on the shyness research by Dr. Lynne Henderson, Ph.D., Director of the Shyness Clinic at Stanford University.
